I will give you my past as time comes around. But now its time to get heat off my chest and reach out to those who are burning inside, yet have no one to talk to. Let me tell you, that it is always the people that you love that hurt you the most. Each and everyday, you work towards a better life and yet somewhere along the way there is pain. I have always yearned for the meaning of family since I lost it in the sixth grade. In time you will understand why so early and young I lost its meaning. Don't get me wrong, I have a family of cousins and aunts and uncles that spread their love and all, but it is not the same as coming home everyday and seeing your beautiful family after work and/or school and spending time with them. Since then, I lost family and no matter how much I had my parents physically it was not the same.As I sit here at 1:03 am it makes me cry because I know this is the same thing that made me strong and got me where I am today. These are all real things that happened and you may think no one reveals their true story or what ever it is, but you guys are getting the truth. These are true events that have taken place in my life, I am not ashamed and nor is it a secret. Tears fall down my face as I think of how much my family has been broken and I only pray Allah give mercy to those who tore us apart, for my job will never to forgive you but rather to pray He forgive you .Growing up in an afghan family, a lot of things are not okay, and there is not much you can do, well as an afghan girl that is. There are certain ideals you live under that you can't change, and there are times when no one will understand you. I have met successful afghan girls both within and without their culture, many without than within. I am no one to judge, but sometimes when you have no one older ahead of you to support you, life gets hard. I would definitely say that in my family and in culture as well, guys have it a lot easier---umm a WHOLE LOT EASIER. I often tell my family that there is no difference between a guy and girl, people in my generation understand me and my family also knows where I come from, but it still impedes me from achieving the best for again -I am an afghan girl before an American. I have never liked settling for less with what I have in life, I always like to go further, but that is not to say I am not grateful. I push to go far because I don't want to settle for less, but I am rich to have the people I love, who love me, and to be able to put food on the table and have shelter which essentially makes a human rich. Money is a piece of shit, excuse my language there, you don't need it and I have seen it break more relationships and families than it has made it. People always ask me, "Why do you waste money?" and tbh it is not wasting to me. You save money for certain things for a reason and sometimes you go into more debt, but I dont worry about because I know I can handle it, but I complain, lol. My seesters know this. Haha Don't get me wrong, I am trying to save at this age in my life, lol I am getting old. But anyways, back to the matter at hand of struggle, I was raised in an ok/strict family, and if you were an Afghan-American girl, just work/school is your life, and once in a while go on an hour brunch with friends. In that time of being so busy and fighting for my freedom, I realized I had lost my health. For those of you who work so hard, I encourage you to take a vacation with your family or if you can friends too. It really beats you down mentally and physically doing so much and I know it because only recently I got back up on my feet with all the stress. Day in and day out I tried moving out as my daily commute from SC to Fremont got tiring. I sorta had everything set out for my junior year roommates and all, but change of plans because like usual my plans never like to stay on cue. I realized I was different from so many of my class, and now I decided to commute the last two years, will it be a struggle? Definitely! But as long as I have support, everything is possible. I had my friends and teachers behind me on my decision of moving out and it was great, but now I hope they stay with my new decision. I think the hardest point in my educational career was when my college provost had told me I seriously should consider the option to leave because it might have been better for all the struggle I overcame and was going through at the time. She had asked me, "MJ why are you here besides the degree?" I told her I didn't know, I mean I had my girls who were family, but I knew nothing could pull us apart with the distance, but that did not count for I could always visit them. I spent my two years of college rushing to be done and hating on the city and school, but only now I realize that I could have made the best of it. I could have been more active in school and spent a lot more time connecting with people when I had a whole of less responsibilities. From this point on, I can only pray for the support of the people I love, my madarjan who I have made cry countless times only to achieve further and make her happy, my sisters Suzan, Heidy, Asma, Jess,,Monica, and Victoriya who have been there thick and thin, my brothers whom I love to infinity and beyond, and last but not least my cousins and aunts, uncles and the rest of my big family mashAllah. Moral of the chapter: Parents: Support your children in their endeavors, academic and personal- show them right from wrong, but don't be harsh because things only go downhill from there, I am telling you as if I were your child. Pray that Allah lead them in the right way for that is the best thing they can do. Be there for them no matter how stressed or no matter how tough life gets with you and husband. If you have more than one child, then in times of hardship pick yourself up because they need you. Always know your kids love you, trust me, we don't always tell you from our busy lives, but we love you, to death and to infinity. And a special shoutout to the moms who work so hard for us in whatever you do, Heaven is beneath your feet. My heart goes out to you all, much respect to you. And to the dads who work hard to give their children the world, you guys are the real Kings! Hats off to you, I only know a few of you!
To the Kids of these Parents: Be good to your parents. Let them know how much you love them each and everyday. Remember Allah is watching above you, and each time you make your mother cry it counts. We often forget that as we are growing older they are too. Tobah, we dont know who will go first, but cherish every moment you have. A wise friend once told me, Strive to be your best, and to make your mom because she is all you have. And always remember that people dont mean shit, they will talk good or bad right or wrong. Their judgement means nothing. At the end of the day, we all are humans, we all mistakes, they are all different, big or small but none the less they are mistakes and we should strive to grow and learn.
Until Next Time,
Marjan Aziz
