I will give you my past as time comes around. But now its time to get heat off my chest and reach out to those who are burning inside, yet have no one to talk to. Let me tell you, that it is always the people that you love that hurt you the most. Each and everyday, you work towards a better life and yet somewhere along the way there is pain. I have always yearned for the meaning of family since I lost it in the sixth grade. In time you will understand why so early and young I lost its meaning. Don't get me wrong, I have a family of cousins and aunts and uncles that spread their love and all, but it is not the same as coming home everyday and seeing your beautiful family after work and/or school and spending time with them. Since then, I lost family and no matter how much I had my parents physically it was not the same.As I sit here at 1:03 am it makes me cry because I know this is the same thing that made me strong and got me where I am today. These are all real things that happened and you may think no one reveals their true story or what ever it is, but you guys are getting the truth. These are true events that have taken place in my life, I am not ashamed and nor is it a secret. Tears fall down my face as I think of how much my family has been broken and I only pray Allah give mercy to those who tore us apart, for my job will never to forgive you but rather to pray He forgive you .Growing up in an afghan family, a lot of things are not okay, and there is not much you can do, well as an afghan girl that is. There are certain ideals you live under that you can't change, and there are times when no one will understand you. I have met successful afghan girls both within and without their culture, many without than within. I am no one to judge, but sometimes when you have no one older ahead of you to support you, life gets hard. I would definitely say that in my family and in culture as well, guys have it a lot easier---umm a WHOLE LOT EASIER. I often tell my family that there is no difference between a guy and girl, people in my generation understand me and my family also knows where I come from, but it still impedes me from achieving the best for again -I am an afghan girl before an American. I have never liked settling for less with what I have in life, I always like to go further, but that is not to say I am not grateful. I push to go far because I don't want to settle for less, but I am rich to have the people I love, who love me, and to be able to put food on the table and have shelter which essentially makes a human rich. Money is a piece of shit, excuse my language there, you don't need it and I have seen it break more relationships and families than it has made it. People always ask me, "Why do you waste money?" and tbh it is not wasting to me. You save money for certain things for a reason and sometimes you go into more debt, but I dont worry about because I know I can handle it, but I complain, lol. My seesters know this. Haha Don't get me wrong, I am trying to save at this age in my life, lol I am getting old. But anyways, back to the matter at hand of struggle, I was raised in an ok/strict family, and if you were an Afghan-American girl, just work/school is your life, and once in a while go on an hour brunch with friends. In that time of being so busy and fighting for my freedom, I realized I had lost my health. For those of you who work so hard, I encourage you to take a vacation with your family or if you can friends too. It really beats you down mentally and physically doing so much and I know it because only recently I got back up on my feet with all the stress. Day in and day out I tried moving out as my daily commute from SC to Fremont got tiring. I sorta had everything set out for my junior year roommates and all, but change of plans because like usual my plans never like to stay on cue. I realized I was different from so many of my class, and now I decided to commute the last two years, will it be a struggle? Definitely! But as long as I have support, everything is possible. I had my friends and teachers behind me on my decision of moving out and it was great, but now I hope they stay with my new decision. I think the hardest point in my educational career was when my college provost had told me I seriously should consider the option to leave because it might have been better for all the struggle I overcame and was going through at the time. She had asked me, "MJ why are you here besides the degree?" I told her I didn't know, I mean I had my girls who were family, but I knew nothing could pull us apart with the distance, but that did not count for I could always visit them. I spent my two years of college rushing to be done and hating on the city and school, but only now I realize that I could have made the best of it. I could have been more active in school and spent a lot more time connecting with people when I had a whole of less responsibilities. From this point on, I can only pray for the support of the people I love, my madarjan who I have made cry countless times only to achieve further and make her happy, my sisters Suzan, Heidy, Asma, Jess,,Monica, and Victoriya who have been there thick and thin, my brothers whom I love to infinity and beyond, and last but not least my cousins and aunts, uncles and the rest of my big family mashAllah. Moral of the chapter: Parents: Support your children in their endeavors, academic and personal- show them right from wrong, but don't be harsh because things only go downhill from there, I am telling you as if I were your child. Pray that Allah lead them in the right way for that is the best thing they can do. Be there for them no matter how stressed or no matter how tough life gets with you and husband. If you have more than one child, then in times of hardship pick yourself up because they need you. Always know your kids love you, trust me, we don't always tell you from our busy lives, but we love you, to death and to infinity. And a special shoutout to the moms who work so hard for us in whatever you do, Heaven is beneath your feet. My heart goes out to you all, much respect to you. And to the dads who work hard to give their children the world, you guys are the real Kings! Hats off to you, I only know a few of you!
To the Kids of these Parents: Be good to your parents. Let them know how much you love them each and everyday. Remember Allah is watching above you, and each time you make your mother cry it counts. We often forget that as we are growing older they are too. Tobah, we dont know who will go first, but cherish every moment you have. A wise friend once told me, Strive to be your best, and to make your mom because she is all you have. And always remember that people dont mean shit, they will talk good or bad right or wrong. Their judgement means nothing. At the end of the day, we all are humans, we all mistakes, they are all different, big or small but none the less they are mistakes and we should strive to grow and learn.
Until Next Time,
Marjan Aziz
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Chapter 1
If you are looking for something to laugh at or experiences to learn from...You came to the right place. Welcome to my blog, also my life...I am starting this blog because I actually thought of making it a book, but realized there was no resources to use and no sponsors quite yet. So, if you want a perfectly edited book, honey, you are in a wrong place. This is just for people to relate to and have fun...Lets begin to the first chapter of my life and who I am.
Well, first of all I am Mj, Marjan Aziz, whatever you get the point, at this point I have so many names that it just leads them all back to the unique one, aka me. I am a sophomore at the University of California at Santa Cruz, who studies Legal Studies and is severely passionate about it. Many people have questions about me and my life, and I love answering those questions personally. It is actually my first week of school and I am normally an outgoing and fairly loud but respectful individual. I introduced myself in all of my classes as MJ, sophomore, legal studies major, and a unique thing about me is that I drive 5 days a week from Fremont. The reason that I mention that is because I want people to know and believe in themselves. I believe in hard work and dedication, oddly that I am writing this blog for you guys instead of doing my homework...With that information, I want the students to believe in themselves more and they have something I wish I had. The comfort and security of being able to go to class regularly. I don't have that and I do wish it. The reason I dont is because I dont know what could happen along the way especially on the 17. Its true that I could have gone to SJSU or any of the other well respected CSU'S but UCSC gave me the chance and I took it...Currently I am on academic probation, not because I didnt try, but I just never understood the problems in Math, which is also why I picked Legal Studies. In math there is normally one right answer to everything, I hate that, I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. In law you can argue your point with sufficient evidence and I love persuading even if I don't win, I know I put 120% of my effort into it. Okay now where were we....hmm oh right, I drive five days a week, but I am also a woman who has four jobs, I work at Jack in the box primarily, then at Macys, a junior high school, and now I am working at a well respected insurance company who will replace two out of the three jobs that I have. The reason I have so many jobs is because I have a family that I support, no leave the suspicion aside, I do not have any kids yet nor am I married. I love my mom and siblings from here to infinity and try to support my working my ass off in all of these jobs and going to school full time. Yes sometimes I am discouraged when something fails, but I pick myself back up asap and get back on the horse because in my hectic life I have no time to waste. I realize I am blessed to even have these many jobs even though the insurance company can not pay me until I receive my license. Throughout my 19 years alive, I have met so many amazing and horrible people. I have created friends and enemies, and overall I am so thankful to Allah first, and then to my family and friends for how blessed I am to have them. I am a proud Muslim and Afghan/Persian. I have heard plenty of negativity in my past about my religion and seen careless professionals do nothing about it...I am no preacher nor do I like preaching but I love my religion with my heart and the negativity around wont stop it. The people that know me personally might say I never pray or you have sinned this and done that, but Allah is the all forgiving and he is the only one who can judge in the end....I believe in respect and that is why I will never say anything bad about any religion, culture or etc, because that same thing could happen to me and my religion/culture...A lot of you know who I am or have seen my story, some think I am dramatic, others think I am weak....At the end of the day, I am who I am and the only judgement that matters is God. I have things that happened to me and I want people to learn from it. To know what it is like to not be alone, the feeling I have felt a lot over the years. Someone they can reach out.to without the fear of judgement. Because the moment you get that stress off your chest, and tell someone you can trust or whoever, there is a light that shines and a smile that glows. That is what I live to see.
Well, first of all I am Mj, Marjan Aziz, whatever you get the point, at this point I have so many names that it just leads them all back to the unique one, aka me. I am a sophomore at the University of California at Santa Cruz, who studies Legal Studies and is severely passionate about it. Many people have questions about me and my life, and I love answering those questions personally. It is actually my first week of school and I am normally an outgoing and fairly loud but respectful individual. I introduced myself in all of my classes as MJ, sophomore, legal studies major, and a unique thing about me is that I drive 5 days a week from Fremont. The reason that I mention that is because I want people to know and believe in themselves. I believe in hard work and dedication, oddly that I am writing this blog for you guys instead of doing my homework...With that information, I want the students to believe in themselves more and they have something I wish I had. The comfort and security of being able to go to class regularly. I don't have that and I do wish it. The reason I dont is because I dont know what could happen along the way especially on the 17. Its true that I could have gone to SJSU or any of the other well respected CSU'S but UCSC gave me the chance and I took it...Currently I am on academic probation, not because I didnt try, but I just never understood the problems in Math, which is also why I picked Legal Studies. In math there is normally one right answer to everything, I hate that, I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. In law you can argue your point with sufficient evidence and I love persuading even if I don't win, I know I put 120% of my effort into it. Okay now where were we....hmm oh right, I drive five days a week, but I am also a woman who has four jobs, I work at Jack in the box primarily, then at Macys, a junior high school, and now I am working at a well respected insurance company who will replace two out of the three jobs that I have. The reason I have so many jobs is because I have a family that I support, no leave the suspicion aside, I do not have any kids yet nor am I married. I love my mom and siblings from here to infinity and try to support my working my ass off in all of these jobs and going to school full time. Yes sometimes I am discouraged when something fails, but I pick myself back up asap and get back on the horse because in my hectic life I have no time to waste. I realize I am blessed to even have these many jobs even though the insurance company can not pay me until I receive my license. Throughout my 19 years alive, I have met so many amazing and horrible people. I have created friends and enemies, and overall I am so thankful to Allah first, and then to my family and friends for how blessed I am to have them. I am a proud Muslim and Afghan/Persian. I have heard plenty of negativity in my past about my religion and seen careless professionals do nothing about it...I am no preacher nor do I like preaching but I love my religion with my heart and the negativity around wont stop it. The people that know me personally might say I never pray or you have sinned this and done that, but Allah is the all forgiving and he is the only one who can judge in the end....I believe in respect and that is why I will never say anything bad about any religion, culture or etc, because that same thing could happen to me and my religion/culture...A lot of you know who I am or have seen my story, some think I am dramatic, others think I am weak....At the end of the day, I am who I am and the only judgement that matters is God. I have things that happened to me and I want people to learn from it. To know what it is like to not be alone, the feeling I have felt a lot over the years. Someone they can reach out.to without the fear of judgement. Because the moment you get that stress off your chest, and tell someone you can trust or whoever, there is a light that shines and a smile that glows. That is what I live to see.
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